I love the morning. I am easily classifiable as a morning person.
Don’t get me wrong, I am annoyed when my puppy wakes me up at 7, an hour before my alarm was set to go off. I may be annoyed, but once I am up I am up, and I am usually glad to be awake.
This morning, my little puppy woke me up at 7, excited to be alive. I contemplated for a moment if I should go to the early church service or if I should use my hour to get some work done. I chose work, which is not nearly as fun. During my hour or so of work time, my thoughts have wandered and I decided I would write them down.
I started reading this article 23 signs you are an introvert, and I wasn’t surprised. I have known I am introvert for many years. This article got me thinking about my past and my used to be desire to be an extrovert.
Many years ago, (okay, not that many, like 5), I was in a bad place. I had started college and really wanted to be liked, and I don’t just mean “date me” liked. I meant, “call me to hang out every night liked.” That was my goal for everything. Now don’t get me wrong, I still want to be liked, but this desire to be liked was on an entirely different level. This was near idolatry. I idolized the idea of being liked. That was most important to me.
I swear, I spent more than half of my time pushing my real personality down into some pit, hoping that it wouldn’t come out. I stayed out late, I said words that are not lady like, I pretended like I didn’t care about consequences. Looking back on that girl I just shake my head. In reality, all I wanted was a few close friends who didn’t mind staying in and watching marathons of CSI: Miami with me.
Anyway, as I read that article about being an introvert, I took a really big sigh of relief.
I think back on that time where I was trying way too hard to be something that I definitely was not. I think back on it and all I can think about was how tired I really was.
I remember the day I just stopped trying to be “that girl” and I started to figure out who God really wanted me to be, and it’s like the world lifted off of my shoulders.
I realized, and I am still realizing (I can’t be all-wise at the age of 24, give me a couple of years)
It is ok to not want to stay out late (even as a working adult, I am still challenged with staying up much later than my bed time. I have learned though, that nothing good happens after midnight.)
It is ok to want to spend an entire day alone (which I did yesterday, and it was awesome)
It is ok to not like big groups of people. (I meet a lot of new people as a teacher and that is great, but really, I don’t like crowds…at all.)
It is ok not to know what to say when meeting a new person. (Small talk is not my thing.)
It is ok to be quiet. (Now, here is the thing, I love to talk, I am well known in my family for my loud mouth. I don’t, however, find it necessary to break every silence, just so it isn’t silent. Silence is golden sometimes.)
Now really, I don’t know what this post is all about. It is definitely titled accurately. Enjoy my Sunday morning ramblings as I try and avoid doing any work! (Teacher of the year right here)